Mas porque tudo ficou assim, de cabeça para baixo?

Até um dia desses eu não era uma pessoa muito crítica, na verdade, eu não tinha motivos pelos quais achar que algo estaria errado.
Hoje eu parei para pensar e refletir um pouco sobre as ações das pessoas ao meu redor, e sobre minhas próprias ações enquanto pessoa, enquanto cristã, enquanto educadora, enquanto cidadã.
Ao refletir me senti triste e decepcionada. Tudo está de cabeça para baixo. Algumas pessoas esqueceram alguns simples gestos que fazem toda a diferença.
E me pergunto, a gentileza, a educação, o respeito para com o outro estão em que posição na lista de prioridade dessas pessoas?
Tenho visto algumas situações que me incomodam bastante, pois tenho observado o quanto a sociedade está cheia de gente cega, mas cega para a necessidade dos outros.
Vamos começar pela sala de aula, que é onde eu fico a maior parte do tempo. Tenho alunos que não sabem respeitar o momento de explicação do conteúdo. Fingem que não tem ninguém à frente deles, tentando transferir um pouquinho de conhecimento que seja, e conversam, me viram as costas, e ignoram o que está sendo dito. Respeito é algo que eles desconhecem, e se fazem isso dentro da sala de aula, é porque fazem em casa. O que custa calar para ouvir o que o outro diz? Será que o que tem a dizer é mais importante que o que o outro tem a dizer? Não se pode esperar nenhum pouquinho?
Em outro momento me perguntei "Quanto egoismo há em ocupar dois assentos no onibus, um com sacolas, quando há uma pessoa em pé por não haver mais cadeiras vagas?" Isso me deixou tão chateada! O que custava colocar as sacolas no chão e ceder a vaga ao outro? O que custa também ceder o lugar a um idoso, que tem no minimo o dobro da minha idade? O que custa dar bom dia ao motorista? Eis que o EGOismo domina o coração das pessoas, e elas já não sabem comportar-se como parte de um todo, são auto-suficientes, até que se prove o contrário, até estarem na posição do outro e sentirem-se invisiveis e humilhadas.
Paro para pensar ainda no papel de bala que jogam ao chão, no copo descartável que não vai parar no lixo simplesmente porque "Ah, já tem tanto lixo na rua".
Venho me cansado disso, desse comportamento tão indiferente. As pessoas esqueceram que em determinados locais nos comportamos de determinadas maneiras. Hoje mesmo fui a missa e fiquei me perguntando o porque de tantas pessoas estarem conversando, como se estivessem em uma festa. Ou o porque as pessoas vão à igreja com roupas tão descompostas. Agir desses modos na casa de Deus é desrespeitoso, e muitas pessoas apenas ignoram, porque no mundo delas tudo é permitido até onde as agrada.
Venho me chateando com esse não respeito, com essa não gentileza, com esse fato de ninguém considerar o que o outro pensa, ou sente. Ou melhor, com essa sensação de todos agirem por si mesmos, não se importando se o que fazem agride ou não o outro, um grupo, ou a sociedade como um todo.
Aí me pergunto, cadê?
Cadê o respeito, a sensibilidade, a humildade, a empatia, a razão?
Devem estar perdidas no meio desse mundo, revirado pelo avesso, de cabeça para baixo, tão bagunçado. :(

É engraçado como as coisas mudam o tempo todo.
Como as pessoas mudam, o humor muda, os ventos mudam, o tempo muda. 
E quando a gente percebe já tá tudo diferente.
Mudamos por consequência da vida, pois cada nova experiência, por menor que seja, nos transforma de algum modo. Isso acontece todos os dias. 

Mas e a gente? 
A gente nem percebe!!!
Nos olhamos no espelho todos os dias, mas será que nos vemos?
Aquele reflexo nos mostra o que, afinal?
Tenho a sensação de que deveríamos parar para nos vermos mais, perceber as mudanças que ocorrem de dentro pra fora.
Deveríamos ir além do que o espelho nos mostra, e tentar conhecer um pouco de nós mesmos.
Muitas vezes você só se olha, mas não tem intimidade consigo mesmo, desconhecendo o seu próprio interior.
As vezes esse desconhecimento esta falta de intimidade é tão grande que a gente se perde em nós mesmos e acabamos fazendo e falando coisas que nunca falaríamos na vida.

Eu estou na busca de mim, na busca do meu eu. Preciso me encontrar primeiro, pra saber o que eu preciso buscar a seguir.
Eu vou além do espelho, vou ser quem sou, na busca também do que quero ser.
Vou decidir quais mudanças eu quero ver, e vou lutar para consegui-las. Eu quero ir além!

Thanks 2012...

Dear God,

Some days ago I decided to report everything that has happened to me recently. I know you know every little feeling, thought, every smile and tear. 

My year wasn't that easy, as you know, but even with all the bad things that happened, it was a happy and remarkable year. 

Everything started last December, when my daddy lost his benefits, his payment. That was when things started to go wrong. As everybody knows, it is almost impossible to live without money, and very difficult to live with little money. In February, my nephew was born, among all darkness there was a light, the most beautiful baby I've ever seen came to bring smiles and happiness to our house. At university, I remember it was the most tough semester. I used to feel very tired, because I had 7 disciplines to take care of. The worse parte was to arrive home sometimes, and hear many things which didn't apply to my effort. As the things were not good about money, I decided to work. I trained to be a telemarketing attendant, but You had better plans for me. In May my teacher Sandra released a book, that was also written by me. That was a great point in the way. In July I got my own book released, also with Sandra. That day I felt like a person who made the difference somehow. I also started training at Cultura Inglesa, and I started working there in August. These were the best parts of the year. The sensation of making new friends, to be a good teacher, or a bad teacher sometimes. The way I felt when I first received my payment... And I owe it all to You, Lord. In August my father's payment was reestablished and things started to get in their own places again. In November I wrote and presented my Tcc. Now, in December, I graduated, and I'm so happy it happened. I need to thank you so much, because You game me the opportunity to give one more step in my life. 

I'm sad too, because I pushed myself away from You, and I haven't done the best I could in my obligations. Why did it happen? I'm so odd these days, like If I'm not happy inside. Like if I haven't dreams to follow, without perspective of life. The thing that bothers me most is the fact that I'm not close to you, the fact that I don't know how to pray anymore, how to confess my mistakes and sins. Why do I do so many wrong things? 

Professionally  talking I got frustrated with my last internship. That happened because the students were disinterested, and it made me feel useless. I got so many things to do, and I didn't give my better in everything, or maybe I've done, but I'm kind of perfectionist and for me it wasn't the best I could do! I could get the attention of those students, but they didn't want to give any attention. 

As a teacher I've got a lot to learn. I have to do my best so I won't feel frustrated, with my consciousness disturbed, with my heart full of bad vibrations. 

More than that, I have to study a lot. I have to break down barriers, my own barriers, because I know I have a lot to learn. 

I know that all bad feelings I've been feeling are consequence of my distance to You, and I have to change it. And I will. 

These 2012 year came with a lot of obstacles to skip, and I've done everything, because I know that even in my darkest moments You were there for me. 

Please, forgive-me again for not being the perfect daughter, because I know I forgot your words many times, sometimes forgetting how You give me strength and hope to continue, to not give up. 

I feel myself relieved now, that i talked to you, showing how I feel in some ways.

Thanks for everything My Father, thanks for hearing me. 

Amen

I won't give up

Why?
When you are a teacher you always realize your classes could be better than it was...
Today I can say I'm frustrated, but I'm sure the next class will work out in a better way... I will prepare the best class ever!

What's next?

Dear God,
I don't know how to describe my feelings today...
Am I living a dream? Because sometimes I feel that I'm bound to wake up and realize I was just having good dreams...
And I don't know to be thankful for this. You showed me that you can guide me in a way much better than the one I figured out...
Now, I can't stop thinking about my life on these next days. Am I a Cultura Inglesa teacher? Really? I just wanna do things right Lord, and I have to start by controlling my emotions. Why do I feel so much insecure? And why the idea of being there, on a position that makes me feel alive and useful, scares me?
Well, now it's time to face my fears, and overcome my doubts. It's time to show how I am able to be an English teacher.
I just want to do it right, exactly the way it should be, so I'll take the control.

Oh God, don't let anything hurt me, or let me down, I agree that sometimes I am too much pessimist but I need some help to handle this kind of feeling. I know it is not that bad feel like I always can do better, or feel like everybory can do things better than me, is it humility? Well, I know this feeling always gives me the impression I can do better, and because this I try to do things better.

I'm impressed on how You did everything happen to me. First you bring me here, so you changed my life forever. If I wasn't here I wouldn't be graduating as 21 years old girl. Thank you, I just want to thank you... for prepare my life with all the best things, best parents, best brother, best friends, and best me... And I beg you pardon for all the times I opened my mouth to complain about your plans, now I know I was wrong.

Good Night,

;*

Dear God,

Thanks for today, thanks for yesterday... 

I knew you had something special for me, thanks for bringing me the truth, and thanks for accepting me...

You know everything that is in my heart and mind, and you know how I feel, what do you think about it father? Sometimes I just think I can't go through this... 

The only thing that keep me dreaming is the good thing you've done in my life, all presents you gave, and continue giving me every single day. Thanks God, for being my strengh, my hope... 

Today I have one special request: Can you please protect and bless Sandra with all angels you have!? She is a very special person to me, and as you know, she is helping me in a way I can't be thakful enough... I hope not dissapoint her in any way... 

Another special request: guide my feiosa to the right way, she needs your light, and everything is happening in a way I can't do many things... I know you have the best for, so, could you show her the way to happiness? ;p 

If I'm not asking too much, I would like to say thanks again... My family and friends are being protected by you, so I don't need to worry about it...

Guide me God, and show me how to be a better person in every way... 

Thanks for hearing me...

Good Night...

♥ 

P.S: Protect my boyfriend too, he is my best friend and my best support when I can't find you... ;)

Dear God,

I know I don't act as a good daughter all the time, I know I fail with you every night when I fall asleep during my praying, and I know it is not a good thing. That's the reason why I decided to write today, it is not easier but at least I'll be awake until the end. At first I would like to thank you, for everything, even the bad things. I thank you when something good happens, as my meeting with my teacher today, I thank you for being alive, for my family being alive, for all my friends being ok. And I also thank you for the bad things, as people who don't know how to respect others, the bus that didin't came, my boyfriend that annoyed me a lot, and my sister who is not a real sister. Everything I want to thank you, because the bad things make me unhappy, but the good ones give me strength to keep on walking.

I want to ask you dear Lord, to protect my family, my friends, and everyone else from bad things. I ask you to guide and to welcome Marilia's boyfriend, to protect and to give strength and faith to his family and friends that suffer a lot with his goodbye. I also ask you God, to keep Senizia's husband with health, help him to be safe. I ask you God to protect all people who are in hospital, I don't know how desperating it is to have someone I love in hospital but I can imagine the pain and sorrow, the worries and everything. I ask you to make the world a better place, cause I can't stand it anymore. I feel tired of seeing innocent people dying while the bad ones are still alive, scaring me, scaring the ones who are fair. I feel tired, all the time, tired of everything, but I hope it can change one day, I believe you can do the difference in the world. 

Give me peace God, give me faith, give me stimulus to follow my way, to keep on doing, to keep on believing, to keep on trying, to hold on all difficulties life put in my way. 

Thanks for hear me.

Amen

Dear God,
Today I did a lot of good things. At first, I woke up with the voice of my mother, and the best smell of coffee. After that, I went to a meeting with my friends from Dynamics group at Sheyla's house. It was great to be there with them, to rehearsal our play for tomorrows meeting. We also did a divine lemon mousse, played image and action and after the guys had gone I stayed to help her with some painting stuff. When I arrived home, I had lunch, and I slept for a while, good dreams. ;) 
In the afternoon I cooked the dinner, which was pasta with potatoes cream and a delicious meat. My boyfriend arrived and we watched Letters to God again, while the dinner was baking.  My evening was all good Lord, and I thank you for that. My day today was sort of a gift. And all I want to ask you today is to bless all my friends and family specially my mother, who is sick, and that special friend (you know who) that need to forget that guy. I also wants to ask you to be with me all the time , to keep my friends calm, and to help us to show your face at the Crisma's meeting tomorrow. We need faith, love, patience and strength. That's it for today. 
Thank you for everything again.
Amen

Dear God,

Today I watched a movie called "Letters to God". It is about a little boy with cancer that inspired people around him to believe you, to have faith in you, by writing letters for you. I got inspired too, maybe you can listen to me when I write...

I don't know how to begin, at first I want to thank you for one more day alive, thank you for giving me one more chance to see how beautiful life is... 

How can I thank you lord, for giving me the best parents ever? They are the most important people in this world for me, they are my reason to keep on trying, to keep on believing, so I just have to thank you for putting me in this family, that is not all perfect but is the best for me... I always ask you to protect all my family and friends, to guide them and to keep them away from bad things, and Lord, I love them very very much, although I can't show it all the time. I wish they could know how important they are to me... 

Sorry if I'm not perfect, I know I do lots of wrong things and I feel bad for it. Sorry if sometimes I want to give up on you, and live life all wrong. I try to do the best, but I know I don't try all possibilities to get it right...

Oh Lord, help me to be a better person, to love my enemies, to forgive the ones who humiliate me. Help me to do a good work in the Church, guide me to be a good example to those young children. I need you, and sometimes I just run away from you, and I don't know why, maybe because I'm ashamed of all mistakes I made and you know everything...

Oh Lord, you know how I feel, you know how much I care, and you know how much I love my family, friends, boyfriend and so on. You know that, even with all bad things she does, I also love my sister, and I would like to forgive her for everything she's done to me recently. Today I'm not able to say "I forgive you" but one day I will, maybe time is the medicine I need to forget and forgive some people and their mistakes towards me. 

Today, I just want to feel as an empty glass, waiting to be fullfilled with love, hope and faith...

Thank you Lord, for being the best friend ever, and for loving me being wrong or right... 

Amen 

What can you do when your good isn't good enough ?

     Everyday I face the same situation again and again, and everyday I have to feel sad, annoyed, angry, and sad again and again. That's when I wonder "What have I done to deserve this?".

I can't say "God is not fair", or "God is trying to punish me", I just don't know WHY things are the way they are...

Why the person who should loves me most, hates me instead? Why does this person is so selfish and ungrateful? I don't know, but I wish I coul have all these answers...

I wish I could call my sister a real sister, but she's not a sister at all. I can't call as sister a person who always let me down, always has an ofense in the tip of the tongue, never says "thanks" and tries to make people dislike me... I wonder all the time why it happens, but I don't know... 

I just know that I'm tired of it! I'm really tired of being called of what I'm not, I'm tired to arrive home and feel like it's not my home, I'm tired of people trying to make a fool of me... 

And I'm tired to call as sister a person who isn't, or a person who doesn't do anything to deserve this title...

It's being my suffer, it's being my anguish, it's being my sadness, it's being my despair, and it's being my bitterness. Now I wonder again, how can I love a person like this? I don't know, I just know that each day that pass takes a little piece of this love, and soon there will be nothing to love...