Some days ago I decided to report everything that has happened to me recently. I know you know every little feeling, thought, every smile and tear.
My year wasn't that easy, as you know, but even with all the bad things that happened, it was a happy and remarkable year.
Everything started last December, when my daddy lost his benefits, his payment. That was when things started to go wrong. As everybody knows, it is almost impossible to live without money, and very difficult to live with little money. In February, my nephew was born, among all darkness there was a light, the most beautiful baby I've ever seen came to bring smiles and happiness to our house. At university, I remember it was the most tough semester. I used to feel very tired, because I had 7 disciplines to take care of. The worse parte was to arrive home sometimes, and hear many things which didn't apply to my effort. As the things were not good about money, I decided to work. I trained to be a telemarketing attendant, but You had better plans for me. In May my teacher Sandra released a book, that was also written by me. That was a great point in the way. In July I got my own book released, also with Sandra. That day I felt like a person who made the difference somehow. I also started training at Cultura Inglesa, and I started working there in August. These were the best parts of the year. The sensation of making new friends, to be a good teacher, or a bad teacher sometimes. The way I felt when I first received my payment... And I owe it all to You, Lord. In August my father's payment was reestablished and things started to get in their own places again. In November I wrote and presented my Tcc. Now, in December, I graduated, and I'm so happy it happened. I need to thank you so much, because You game me the opportunity to give one more step in my life.
I'm sad too, because I pushed myself away from You, and I haven't done the best I could in my obligations. Why did it happen? I'm so odd these days, like If I'm not happy inside. Like if I haven't dreams to follow, without perspective of life. The thing that bothers me most is the fact that I'm not close to you, the fact that I don't know how to pray anymore, how to confess my mistakes and sins. Why do I do so many wrong things?
Professionally talking I got frustrated with my last internship. That happened because the students were disinterested, and it made me feel useless. I got so many things to do, and I didn't give my better in everything, or maybe I've done, but I'm kind of perfectionist and for me it wasn't the best I could do! I could get the attention of those students, but they didn't want to give any attention.
As a teacher I've got a lot to learn. I have to do my best so I won't feel frustrated, with my consciousness disturbed, with my heart full of bad vibrations.
More than that, I have to study a lot. I have to break down barriers, my own barriers, because I know I have a lot to learn.
I know that all bad feelings I've been feeling are consequence of my distance to You, and I have to change it. And I will.
These 2012 year came with a lot of obstacles to skip, and I've done everything, because I know that even in my darkest moments You were there for me.
Please, forgive-me again for not being the perfect daughter, because I know I forgot your words many times, sometimes forgetting how You give me strength and hope to continue, to not give up.
I feel myself relieved now, that i talked to you, showing how I feel in some ways.
Thanks for everything My Father, thanks for hearing me.
Amen
